So that time when Angie broke up with her boyfriend, it really was me that caused it. You already know that, but I gotta start somewhere. It’s kind of funny, you know, telling someone like this. Sucks, but if they’re going to pay for it, then I don’t really give a shit. I’ll tell them what I think. I don’t have anything to hide.
But anyway, it was when I was like nineteen, so not too long ago. Angie and I had been friends for a few semesters, I guess two, and I was a junior and she was a sophomore. I think. Maybe I had just turned twenty. I can’t remember, but it doesn’t really matter anyway. So Angie had been dating this guy for like forever. His name was Ben, and I have to admit I always thought he was really hot. I think all the girls he knew had a crush on him, but he only had eyes for Angie. She was okay cute, but I think I was better looking. So they were totally married, which was annoying, but I sort of got used to it. It always bugged me that he doted on her though, but that made me feel bad because she was my friend in a way. Do you think I should have felt guilty? Well, I did anyway.
Angie told me one day that she was feeling kind of trapped in her relationship. She was like: “Well, I love him, but I don’t know if I love love him.” I was such a great friend and told her that she should talk to him about this. I was always really empathetic. So I guess she did, and they talked and worked things out.
But that sucked ass for me. I would have given them a couple months of grieving, but I wanted to make sure that I had dibs on Ben first. I’m not stupid. I know a good thing when I see it. So I started writing notes to Angie, anonymously, telling her to break it off with Ben.
What kind of notes? They were pretty funny, actually. I can’t believe she took them seriously. What an idiot. Yeah, I guess I was kind of mean, but I didn’t think she’d react the way she did, you know?
The first one was pretty calm. Just little threats that if she didn’t break it off with him, someone would come after her or something. I hardly remember. It was forever and a half ago. The second was kind of like that too. The fourth was when I started to get nasty.
But I couldn’t help it! A girl can only be sex-starved for so long! What else was I supposed to do?
Yeah, so I wrote the fourth one mean, but I thought it was funny too. Who would really believe “I have a big knife and I’m going to kill you if you don’t stop seeing him!” Not me, that’s for sure. But she totally freaked.
See, I had the perfect cover. I was definitely the very supportive friend. I was so sweet and sincere. No one would ever think it was me. I was the best actress ever. I should be on Broadway, don’t you think? I can sing too. Do you want to hear?
What do you mean, what happened next? Well, she went and talked to the police. I had been smart and printed them out from my computer, so there was no handwriting to match anything to. And the best part was that it was driving her away from Ben. I mean, how couldn’t it? If she didn’t break up with him, she’d die, right?
The police didn’t do anything because they’re kind of lame. But Angie was still all worried and freaked out. She kind of stopped leaving her room. But he’d always be there with her. He kept swearing to protect her. It was sappy and gross and mushy, but she ate it up. Who’s surprised, right? So I had to somehow get it through to them that this was not the way it was meant to be.
When he’d leave for the night, sometimes I would put stuff under her door, or tie strings to the doorknob so it wouldn’t open, stuff like that. Creepy stuff. It was great.
I must say that my crowning achievement was that dead skinned cat from lab. I waited until she went to the shower. She had a single, the lucky fuck, so she only left the door open when she showered. I just tossed it right up there on her bed, lofted and everything, on the nice clean sheets, went back to my room, and waited for the scream. And damn, did she scream.
The police came again, probably because the resident assistant called them, and then Ben showed up, and she wouldn’t even talk to him. It was perfect. She refused to talk to anyone except her mother and the police, so that left me comforting poor, sweet Ben.
Let me tell you this: that boy can fucking kiss.
He had a couple of moments of doubt. I mean, it was understandable. He had been dating her forever and ever, right? But men like what men like, and I give damn good head.
He wasn’t going to tell her for a while that he would rather go with me than with her, because of all the stress she was already under. He did tell her that maybe it would be better for her not to see him for a while. There were a few days where everything was perfect and nice and delightful, and then the stupid police visited my room, wanting to know everything about Ben and Angie.
I couldn’t believe I’d been so stupid. Of course it was going to look like I had started this whole thing if it stopped once I got Ben. The solution was easy: send death threats to myself!
Let me tell you, it’s easy to slip yourself notes. Terribly fucking easy.
You look so unbelieving! Was a boy worth it? Hells, yeah! He was worth every second of being in this shithole. Every second. You can’t understand what he meant to me.
But yeah, I left stupid little notes all over my room. I even left a cake tin full of congealed blood to be stepped in when someone opened the door. My roommate was so pissed and disgusted, and then the police stopped sniffing around as if I were a suspect. It was better.
But Ben was starting to act all weird. I mean, two girls he was dating had gotten threats on their life because of him. Yeah, maybe I’d start to go a little loopy too in his place, but I swore that I wouldn’t let anything happen to me or us. I promised over and over again. I think he believed me for a while. I think he did. I think he even loved me, maybe. Maybe.
I knew I had to end this stupid shit somehow. Someone had to be framed, and wouldn’t it be perfect it was Angie?
So the few times I was able to visit, the couple of times she let me in, I played around on her computer, mostly while she read some schoolwork. I talked on instant messenger and shit, and saved some files on her computer from off mine, the files of the letters. Every last one. Beautiful.
But did you know that files tell when they were added? That was what caught me.
Yeah. That was what did it.
Fuck.